Nation Relieved to Learn Decorative Victory Arch Will Also House Snipers
Administration upgrades proposed 250-foot gilded monument to 'top grade Military Complex/Triumphal Arch,' because apparently those are the same thing now.
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Congress Cancels Remaining Work Day to Campaign on Record of Hard Work
Speaker Mike Johnson canceled the House's last scheduled voting day Wednesday, sending lawmakers home for seven weeks ahead of the November midterms — just one day after telling reporters he had no plans to do so. The move conveniently avoided a floor vote on impeaching Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, a resolution introduced by a member of Johnson's own party, who then took to the House floor to rebuke the Speaker for leaving.
FAA Solves Staffing Crisis By Withholding Pay From Understaffed Staff
Congress funded a 2.8% pay bump to lure more air traffic controllers to a system desperately short of air traffic controllers. The FAA is now withholding it until controllers demonstrate they are no longer short-staffed. The controllers are short-staffed.
Government Heroically Rescues Americans From Fees Government Created
In a bold act of fiscal innovation, the White House announced $500 rebate checks for Americans overcharged on health insurance premiums — premiums that doubled or tripled after Congress let ACA subsidies expire this year. The administration, which previously promised $5,000 checks on Wednesday, $2,000 tariff dividends last fall, and $1,000–$1,500 HSA rebates that Congress rejected, assures the public this one is definitely real.
From the Govment Archives
Nation Relieved to Learn Decorative Victory Arch Will Also House Snipers
Citing an urgent request from the U.S. military, President Trump announced that his proposed Washington D.C. triumphal arch will be retrofitted to store drones, ammunition, and rooftop snipers — a feature set not typically found in the Arc de Triomphe. The announcement came while a federal court continues to weigh whether the arch is legal in the first place, a procedural detail the president did not address.
Congress Cancels Remaining Work Day to Campaign on Record of Hard Work
Speaker Mike Johnson canceled the House's last scheduled voting day Wednesday, sending lawmakers home for seven weeks ahead of the November midterms — just one day after telling reporters he had no plans to do so. The move conveniently avoided a floor vote on impeaching Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, a resolution introduced by a member of Johnson's own party, who then took to the House floor to rebuke the Speaker for leaving.
FAA Solves Staffing Crisis By Withholding Pay From Understaffed Staff
Congress funded a 2.8% pay bump to lure more air traffic controllers to a system desperately short of air traffic controllers. The FAA is now withholding it until controllers demonstrate they are no longer short-staffed. The controllers are short-staffed.
Government Heroically Rescues Americans From Fees Government Created
In a bold act of fiscal innovation, the White House announced $500 rebate checks for Americans overcharged on health insurance premiums — premiums that doubled or tripled after Congress let ACA subsidies expire this year. The administration, which previously promised $5,000 checks on Wednesday, $2,000 tariff dividends last fall, and $1,000–$1,500 HSA rebates that Congress rejected, assures the public this one is definitely real.
Government Fires 256,000 Workers, Saves $0, Hires 104,000 More
The Department of Government Efficiency officially expired on Independence Day without a closing report, a transition plan, or a farewell — just a USAJobs page with 104,000 new listings. The IRS, which lost 27% of its workforce in the name of efficiency, is now fast-tracking 8,000 hires to handle the backlog created by the 27% it lost.