FEMA Disaster Chief's Teleportation Claims Create New Emergency for Trump Administration
President asks 'What does teleport mean?' after learning top disaster official claims divine transportation to Waffle House.
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Trump's America 250 Concert Series Achieves Perfect Unity as Everyone Agrees to Leave
More than half of the Great American State Fair lineup dropped out when they learned the 'nonpartisan' celebration was organized by Freedom 250, a Trump-backed group. The President now wants to replace 'overpriced singers' with a Make America Great Again rally instead.
Treasury Secretary Gets Heated Defending Plans for Trump's Face on $250 Bill That Doesn't Exist and Would Be Illegal
The Treasury Department has been working on prototypes for a $250 bill featuring President Trump's portrait, despite federal law explicitly prohibiting living people on currency since 1866. The woman who pointed this out was promptly reassigned.
Pastor Assures Congregation That 22-Foot Golden Trump is 'Not a Golden Calf,' Just Regular Idol
A 22-foot golden statue of President Trump was dedicated at his Miami golf club by Pastor Mark Burns, who insisted the ceremony was about 'honor, not worship.' The distinction appears lost on several thousand years of religious tradition.
From the Govment Archives
FEMA Disaster Chief's Teleportation Claims Create New Emergency for Trump Administration
Gregg Phillips, who oversees billions in disaster relief, insists he was supernaturally transported 50 miles to a Georgia restaurant. White House scrambles to contain the metaphysical crisis.
Trump's America 250 Concert Series Achieves Perfect Unity as Everyone Agrees to Leave
More than half of the Great American State Fair lineup dropped out when they learned the 'nonpartisan' celebration was organized by Freedom 250, a Trump-backed group. The President now wants to replace 'overpriced singers' with a Make America Great Again rally instead.
Treasury Secretary Gets Heated Defending Plans for Trump's Face on $250 Bill That Doesn't Exist and Would Be Illegal
The Treasury Department has been working on prototypes for a $250 bill featuring President Trump's portrait, despite federal law explicitly prohibiting living people on currency since 1866. The woman who pointed this out was promptly reassigned.
Pastor Assures Congregation That 22-Foot Golden Trump is 'Not a Golden Calf,' Just Regular Idol
A 22-foot golden statue of President Trump was dedicated at his Miami golf club by Pastor Mark Burns, who insisted the ceremony was about 'honor, not worship.' The distinction appears lost on several thousand years of religious tradition.
President Successfully Negotiates Settlement With Himself for $1.8 Billion
Sources close to the negotiations say both sides were surprisingly reasonable. Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, formerly Trump's personal lawyer, praised his own negotiating skills.