GSA Officials Successfully Locate Missing Field Office After Thorough Search of Building They've Been Paying Rent On
Agency that manages all federal property briefly misplaces own workspace in routine audit.
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White House Becomes First Federal Property to Require Waist-to-Height Ratio for Military Spectators
The Pentagon has issued specific body measurement requirements for military personnel attending the President's birthday UFC event. Because nothing says 'land of the free' like measuring soldiers' waistlines for entertainment access.
FEMA Disaster Chief's Teleportation Claims Create New Emergency for Trump Administration
Gregg Phillips, who oversees billions in disaster relief, insists he was supernaturally transported 50 miles to a Georgia restaurant. White House scrambles to contain the metaphysical crisis.
Trump's America 250 Concert Series Achieves Perfect Unity as Everyone Agrees to Leave
More than half of the Great American State Fair lineup dropped out when they learned the 'nonpartisan' celebration was organized by Freedom 250, a Trump-backed group. The President now wants to replace 'overpriced singers' with a Make America Great Again rally instead.
From the Govment Archives
GSA Officials Successfully Locate Missing Field Office After Thorough Search of Building They've Been Paying Rent On
The General Services Administration, which oversees $500 billion in federal real estate, recently discovered their field office had either moved or disappeared entirely. The space was eventually found to be either vacant or occupied by a completely different agency.
White House Becomes First Federal Property to Require Waist-to-Height Ratio for Military Spectators
The Pentagon has issued specific body measurement requirements for military personnel attending the President's birthday UFC event. Because nothing says 'land of the free' like measuring soldiers' waistlines for entertainment access.
FEMA Disaster Chief's Teleportation Claims Create New Emergency for Trump Administration
Gregg Phillips, who oversees billions in disaster relief, insists he was supernaturally transported 50 miles to a Georgia restaurant. White House scrambles to contain the metaphysical crisis.
Trump's America 250 Concert Series Achieves Perfect Unity as Everyone Agrees to Leave
More than half of the Great American State Fair lineup dropped out when they learned the 'nonpartisan' celebration was organized by Freedom 250, a Trump-backed group. The President now wants to replace 'overpriced singers' with a Make America Great Again rally instead.
Treasury Secretary Gets Heated Defending Plans for Trump's Face on $250 Bill That Doesn't Exist and Would Be Illegal
The Treasury Department has been working on prototypes for a $250 bill featuring President Trump's portrait, despite federal law explicitly prohibiting living people on currency since 1866. The woman who pointed this out was promptly reassigned.