Trump Administration Proposes Solving Government Building Maintenance Issues with Literal Magic Paint
President claims 'magic paint with silicate' will strengthen stone and prevent staining, experts say it doesn't exist
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Nation's King Graciously Permits Millions to Publicly Protest Nation's King
Eight to nine million Americans freely assembled to announce that free assembly is under threat. The king, who is not a king, was unavailable for comment. The deleted video was also unavailable.
House Adjourns Itself Before Congressman Can Finish Sentence, Sets New Land Speed Record
The complete official transcript of the session runs to one sentence. A war continued unaffected. Rep. Ivey's mouth remained open. The gavel has been secured.
DHS Confirms $1 Billion Worth of Warehouses Are, In Fact, Warehouses
After a thorough review, the Department of Homeland Security has verified that eleven large, empty buildings are large, empty buildings. Officials are proud of the loading docks.
From the Govment Archives
Trump Administration Proposes Solving Government Building Maintenance Issues with Literal Magic Paint
The White House has formally submitted plans to coat the Eisenhower Executive Office Building with what Trump calls 'magic paint.' Preservation experts warn the miracle coating could cause irreversible damage to the 1888 structure.
Nation's King Graciously Permits Millions to Publicly Protest Nation's King
Eight to nine million Americans freely assembled to announce that free assembly is under threat. The king, who is not a king, was unavailable for comment. The deleted video was also unavailable.
House Adjourns Itself Before Congressman Can Finish Sentence, Sets New Land Speed Record
The complete official transcript of the session runs to one sentence. A war continued unaffected. Rep. Ivey's mouth remained open. The gavel has been secured.
DHS Confirms $1 Billion Worth of Warehouses Are, In Fact, Warehouses
After a thorough review, the Department of Homeland Security has verified that eleven large, empty buildings are large, empty buildings. Officials are proud of the loading docks.
Experts Explore Definitive Link Between Sun God Sacrifices and Global Warming
A shocking investigation into ancient ritual practices and their role in the modern climate crisis. The results will not surprise anyone who has read the comments section.