Government Fires 256,000 Workers, Saves $0, Hires 104,000 More
DOGE sunsets quietly on July 4th as the agencies it gutted post record job openings to replace the people they just fired.
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Nation Celebrates 250 Years of Self-Governance by Asking for More Money to Cover Its Own Birthday Party
Congress allocated $150 million so the country could throw itself a tasteful 250th birthday bash. A Trump-backed group called Freedom 250 spent most of it, then held the party anyway. Now they'd like $10 million more, which experts confirm is how birthdays work.
Department of Energy Lawyer Helpfully Explains That Science Grants Were Canceled Because Science Lives in the Wrong States
The Trump administration spent months insisting its cancellation of 284 federal energy research grants had absolutely nothing to do with politics. Its own lawyer then filed a document in federal court explaining that it had entirely to do with politics. The Department of Energy has not announced a budget line for irony.
Congress Courageously Bans Itself From Buying Stocks It Already Owns
The House passed the Stop Insider Trading Act 232–198, prohibiting members of Congress from purchasing new individual stocks — while explicitly allowing them to keep every share they currently hold, sell whenever they like, and leaving the President exempt entirely. Sponsors called it 'transformational.' The stocks called it 'Tuesday.'
From the Govment Archives
Government Fires 256,000 Workers, Saves $0, Hires 104,000 More
The Department of Government Efficiency officially expired on Independence Day without a closing report, a transition plan, or a farewell — just a USAJobs page with 104,000 new listings. The IRS, which lost 27% of its workforce in the name of efficiency, is now fast-tracking 8,000 hires to handle the backlog created by the 27% it lost.
Nation Celebrates 250 Years of Self-Governance by Asking for More Money to Cover Its Own Birthday Party
Congress allocated $150 million so the country could throw itself a tasteful 250th birthday bash. A Trump-backed group called Freedom 250 spent most of it, then held the party anyway. Now they'd like $10 million more, which experts confirm is how birthdays work.
Department of Energy Lawyer Helpfully Explains That Science Grants Were Canceled Because Science Lives in the Wrong States
The Trump administration spent months insisting its cancellation of 284 federal energy research grants had absolutely nothing to do with politics. Its own lawyer then filed a document in federal court explaining that it had entirely to do with politics. The Department of Energy has not announced a budget line for irony.
Congress Courageously Bans Itself From Buying Stocks It Already Owns
The House passed the Stop Insider Trading Act 232–198, prohibiting members of Congress from purchasing new individual stocks — while explicitly allowing them to keep every share they currently hold, sell whenever they like, and leaving the President exempt entirely. Sponsors called it 'transformational.' The stocks called it 'Tuesday.'
Man Paid to Know What President Will Say Used That Information to Bet on What President Would Say
Gabriel Perez, the White House teleprompter operator who has fed President Trump his prepared remarks since 2016, allegedly wagered more than $100,000 on prediction market platform Kalshi by betting on which specific words the president would say in his own speeches. Investigators further discovered that Perez would hedge his bets mid-address whenever Trump went off-script, completing what experts are calling 'the most efficient trading algorithm in Washington history.'