Nation's King Graciously Permits Millions to Publicly Protest Nation's King
An estimated eight to nine million Americans exercised their constitutional rights to free speech and assembly in order to announce that their constitutional rights to free speech and assembly no longer exist. The protests were well-attended. No one was stopped.
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Nation's King Permits Millions to Protest Nation's King
Eight to nine million Americans freely assembled to announce that free assembly is under threat. The king, who is not a king, was unavailable for comment. The deleted video was also unavailable.
House Adjourns Before Congressman Can Finish Sentence
The complete official transcript of the session runs to one sentence. A war continued unaffected. Rep. Ivey's mouth remained open. The gavel has been secured.
DHS Confirms $1 Billion Worth of Warehouses Are, In Fact, Warehouses
After a thorough review, the Department of Homeland Security has verified that eleven large, empty buildings are large, empty buildings. Officials are proud of the loading docks.
From the Govment Archives
Nation's King Permits Millions to Protest Nation's King
Nine million people freely gathered to say free gathering is over. The paradox remains unresolved. The Bureau is monitoring.
House Adjourns Itself Before Congressman Can Finish Sentence
The complete official transcript of proceedings runs to one sentence. The war continues unaffected.
DHS Confirms $1 Billion in Warehouses Are Warehouses
Phase Two has not been announced. The warehouses have floors. Officials confirmed the floors.
Sacrifices to Sun Gods and Global Warming: A Causal Analysis
The correlation is undeniable. The peer review is pending. The sun has not responded to requests for comment.
Job Posting: President of the United States
Competitive salary. Flexible hours. Full nuclear authority. Two impeachments allowed before termination.