White House Becomes First Federal Property to Require Waist-to-Height Ratio for Military Spectators
1,200 service members must meet fitness standards to watch cage fights on South Lawn
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FEMA Disaster Chief's Teleportation Claims Create New Emergency for Trump Administration
Gregg Phillips, who oversees billions in disaster relief, insists he was supernaturally transported 50 miles to a Georgia restaurant. White House scrambles to contain the metaphysical crisis.
Trump's America 250 Concert Series Achieves Perfect Unity as Everyone Agrees to Leave
More than half of the Great American State Fair lineup dropped out when they learned the 'nonpartisan' celebration was organized by Freedom 250, a Trump-backed group. The President now wants to replace 'overpriced singers' with a Make America Great Again rally instead.
Treasury Secretary Gets Heated Defending Plans for Trump's Face on $250 Bill That Doesn't Exist and Would Be Illegal
The Treasury Department has been working on prototypes for a $250 bill featuring President Trump's portrait, despite federal law explicitly prohibiting living people on currency since 1866. The woman who pointed this out was promptly reassigned.
From the Govment Archives
White House Becomes First Federal Property to Require Waist-to-Height Ratio for Military Spectators
The Pentagon has issued specific body measurement requirements for military personnel attending the President's birthday UFC event. Because nothing says 'land of the free' like measuring soldiers' waistlines for entertainment access.
FEMA Disaster Chief's Teleportation Claims Create New Emergency for Trump Administration
Gregg Phillips, who oversees billions in disaster relief, insists he was supernaturally transported 50 miles to a Georgia restaurant. White House scrambles to contain the metaphysical crisis.
Trump's America 250 Concert Series Achieves Perfect Unity as Everyone Agrees to Leave
More than half of the Great American State Fair lineup dropped out when they learned the 'nonpartisan' celebration was organized by Freedom 250, a Trump-backed group. The President now wants to replace 'overpriced singers' with a Make America Great Again rally instead.
Treasury Secretary Gets Heated Defending Plans for Trump's Face on $250 Bill That Doesn't Exist and Would Be Illegal
The Treasury Department has been working on prototypes for a $250 bill featuring President Trump's portrait, despite federal law explicitly prohibiting living people on currency since 1866. The woman who pointed this out was promptly reassigned.
Pastor Assures Congregation That 22-Foot Golden Trump is 'Not a Golden Calf,' Just Regular Idol
A 22-foot golden statue of President Trump was dedicated at his Miami golf club by Pastor Mark Burns, who insisted the ceremony was about 'honor, not worship.' The distinction appears lost on several thousand years of religious tradition.