Government Solves AI By Renaming It
Technology capabilities unchanged; presidential vocabulary upgraded.
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President Publishes Senator's Cell Number to Save Daylight, Reaches Voicemail
President Trump escalated his war on clock-changing by posting the personal cellphone number of Sen. Tom Cotton on Truth Social, urging all of Arkansas to call him about golf. When reporters dialed, the voicemail box was full — a fitting metaphor for the 119th Congress, which is wrapping up as the least productive two-year session in over half a century.
Government Builds Nation's Largest Veterans Clinic, Forgets to Add Doctors
The VA's crown jewel — billed as 'the nation's largest VA health care clinic' — opened in Fredericksburg, Virginia with state-of-the-art everything except medical staff. Eighteen months later, veterans describe vast empty corridors and urgent-care waits at a building whose primary achievement, so far, is square footage.
Government Launches 'Public Service Announcement' Reminding Citizens To Love The President
The White House has expanded its taxpayer-funded television ad campaign featuring President Trump, insisting the spots — which borrow imagery from his 2024 campaign and air over a song literally titled 'Love Me' — are non-political public service announcements about patriotism. A Republican senator summarized the situation by noting there 'probably is a rule' against spending public money to promote yourself.
From the Govment Archives
Government Solves AI By Renaming It
In a historic executive order, the federal government has officially defeated the challenges of artificial intelligence by instructing all agencies to call it something else. Experts confirm the robots are exactly as smart as they were before the signing ceremony.
President Publishes Senator's Cell Number to Save Daylight, Reaches Voicemail
President Trump escalated his war on clock-changing by posting the personal cellphone number of Sen. Tom Cotton on Truth Social, urging all of Arkansas to call him about golf. When reporters dialed, the voicemail box was full — a fitting metaphor for the 119th Congress, which is wrapping up as the least productive two-year session in over half a century.
Government Builds Nation's Largest Veterans Clinic, Forgets to Add Doctors
The VA's crown jewel — billed as 'the nation's largest VA health care clinic' — opened in Fredericksburg, Virginia with state-of-the-art everything except medical staff. Eighteen months later, veterans describe vast empty corridors and urgent-care waits at a building whose primary achievement, so far, is square footage.
Government Launches 'Public Service Announcement' Reminding Citizens To Love The President
The White House has expanded its taxpayer-funded television ad campaign featuring President Trump, insisting the spots — which borrow imagery from his 2024 campaign and air over a song literally titled 'Love Me' — are non-political public service announcements about patriotism. A Republican senator summarized the situation by noting there 'probably is a rule' against spending public money to promote yourself.
U.S. Shows China's Leader The Constitution, Presumably As A Warning
After three days of pageantry described by analysts as 'heavy on pomp and light on substance,' President Trump concluded his summit with Chinese President Xi Jinping by escorting him through the National Archives to view the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. No breakthroughs were announced. The documents were not harmed.